Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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