I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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