so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
