Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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