I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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