How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
