Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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