I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
