is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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