the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize