It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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