He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
