So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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