So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
