So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
