brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Damn victory sex feels great
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
