Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
