We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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