We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
