he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
