Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
