all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
