Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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