I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You took a bar mat shot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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