I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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