I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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