So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
