I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
