Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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