It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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