He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
