I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
