I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
