I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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