Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize