it wasn't lemon gatorade
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit