Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
