Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.