Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.