M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar