WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
