Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
