I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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