I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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