I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
