so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
