I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
