and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
