Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
