the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
