Have you finally orgasmed yet?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
