I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
