just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
