Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
