Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
