I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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