At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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