I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
