i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
