Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
