They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
