she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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