and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
