Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
