I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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