why didn't you poke me back
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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