i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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