But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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