I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
