Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
